Back Home
 
 
NEWS published 12.02am

SATIRICAL NEWS STORIES BEGIN TO LOSE BITE
I never wanted to do this anyway


You know, you get to a stage in your life when you think, There's something missing. And when that something turns out to be a life, it's time to stop and take stock.

This is where alcohol comes in handy. It tends to tell you things about yourself you never knew existed, such as, I don't need no education, I don't need no thought control, no dark sarcasm in the classroom - Hey teacher, leave those kids alone!

And then you realise you've fallen asleep and that stupid hippy next door is playing his duff old records too loud.

back to top

 
 
 
 
 
GO BACK TO HOMEPAGE
 
 
ALSO IN THIS SECTION
 

ATTEMPT TO BAN MISERABLE PEOPLE

2004 PUT ON HOLD

BAD MAN HITS LOLLIPOP LADY

THE END IS NIGH

BIG SCARY CRIME FIGURES

WORKERS REVOLUTION IN THE OFFING

MUMBELESE DECLARED OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF TEENAGERS

CUTE ANIMAL STORY

EAT FOOD

PEOPLE POOR SHOCK

FOOTBALLER SPITS

THE NIGHTS ARE FAIR DRAWIN' IN

DRUG BARONS' NOBILITY QUESTIONED

MISSING LINK FOUND

IT'S ALL GOD'S FAULT

PIGEONS ON DOPE

TOLERANCE ABOLISHED

MURDER INCIDENTS INCREASING

TABLOID HEADLINES PREY ON GULLIBLE

NOW THAT WE'VE FOUND LOVE

PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES

POKEMON DRIVE BY SHOOTING

SEX

DRUGS

VIOLENCE

HEADLINES WANTED

AW, WHO BLOODY CARES

NOBODY'S READING THIS STUFF ANYWAY

I HATE YOU ALL

IT'S ALL SO BLEEDIN' POINTLESS

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND

DON'T CRY FOR ME AL PACINO

GIRAFFES KICK ASS

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ