I never thought it would happen
With you and Esther Rantzen
Surely you are joking
Is that who Andrew's poking?
She gripped him by the earlobes
They had a liquid luncheon
Then Andrew Marr he took her
Up the superinjunction

They got their photograph took
And put it up on Facebook
They gave each other a poke
They just give me the dry boak
Along with Wills and Kate who
Had a big wedding function
Unfortunately that one
Had no superinjunction

So if you have a secret
You'll never ever keep it
If you're Ewan McGregor
Or Arnie Scharzenegger
Don't tell Terry Wogan
Or look at Gaby Logan
Keep whistling Dixie
If your nickname is Giggsy

It started with Fred Goodwin
He thought that he could hoodwink us
And not be a banker
Well, what could be ranker?
According to Ian Hislop -
Andrew Marr - the great sop
His reputation flagging
He's got everybody gagging

Who else gives you the dry boak?
Well, there's that Go Compare bloke,
Nick Clegg and Boris Johnson,
Mick Hucknall, Emma Thompson.
Michael Gove and Cameron
Should be hit with a truncheon
But who is the number one?
It must be Ann Widdecombe

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