The doctor says I drink too much
My liver is borderline risky
When I'm half cut, I bleed red wine
And when I piss, I piss whisky

I've got Guiness running through my veins
A drunken wife and drunken weans
My muscle tissue's wafer thin
My saliva tastes like gin

And when I come, it's Bacardi Rum
And when I cry, it's vodka and lime
Well I'm a melancholic alcoholic
I need a lift, I need a tonic
Yeah, I'm a melancholic alcoholic
My blood pressure is supersonic

There's another big faux pas
I've been drinking Stella Artois
While I'm driving in my car
Don't worry - I didn't get far

But it was an emergency
I had to get to Threshers, eh?
They'd no drink left - that's the truth
I drove home with a drunkard's drooth




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