This week - Sex and the Law
Dr Farquar says: No need to be Koi then. That’s because tropical fish are sexy. They are totally shameless and fuck in the aquariums in front of onlookers. It must be like living in a goldfish bowl. Sadly not many girls on the till at our Grunty Fen garden centre Aquatic section bare their breasts. I prefer to look at their water features instead.
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
Dr F: Choosy bastards these Lebanese. In Wales they have a name for it. Its called a wrap around sweater.
Dr F: How does he perform the ‘internal’ with a litter picker? What happens if a crack appears in the mirror?
Dr F: I know parts of Romford that view women the same. Mind you the girls there are fussy. The men have to be two and a half feet tall, with a ten inch tongue and manage to breathe through their ears.
Dr F: Mr Ping at the Grunty Fen Lotus Garden Restaurant had better watch his back. His wife gave me a sixty nine last night.
Dr F: Well I’ll be dashed. I didn’t know you could still get wood when you were dead? These days I’m very much alive but when I wake up in the morning everything is stiff apart from that.
Dr F: That's quite natural. Mrs Smith and her Mother often share the same bedroom. Mostly I have to shout over to my wife. “Now darling this is the last time your mother and I are going to show you how to play the pink clarinet.”
Dr F: Well I just feckin’ said you can. Read the above.
Dr F: That’s because in Maryland there are already enough cunts.
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."
Dr F: well you may as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb as the saying goes. Another saying goes. “Mary had a little lamb that ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon.”
see also Dr Farquar-Smith on: