This week: Lame Excuses
“I can’t come into work right now because…”
I am stuck in traffic and it’s called a ‘pile-up’.
I have been asked by Captain Scarlet to help him fight the Mysterons but there are a few strings attached.
My car seatbelt is jammed and I opened my glove compartment and a swarm of killer bees attacked me. My only chance is to kill them one by one with the cigarette lighter.
I had to stop on the M6 for a particularly long filter and as soon as I have smoked it I will be in to work.
I injured my groin on a fairground “What the Butler saw” machine and now Health and Safety officials are looking into it.
I am considering taking a reduction in salary if allowed more time off like this.
I feel I have to contribute to the company’s inevitable failure and demise.
I am getting bored with the colour of the office fittings.
I am in the middle of self-evaluation research on my commitment to my job.
I think I will be of more use at an industrial tribunal.
I have spilled hot coffee onto my crotch and I’m now sterile with two sugars.
I am addicted to religion and coffee and so I have become a Java’s Witness.
I don’t want to stop others from working.
I have been invited to a body-painting party after contracting scabies.
I have Non Specific Urethritis and so I can’t be sure exactly when I will come back.
My laptop and shoes have been stolen.
I phoned earlier with a hangover but nobody believed me.
I have had to make my own breakfast today and I am afraid I have far too much on my plate.
The bottom has fallen out of my world.
The world has fallen out of my bottom.
I have a latent and very strong desire to find out what a bailiff does.
I can’t decide what condom to wear.
I put HRT patches on my scrotum by mistake.
I think there is too much distortion in the factory's Public Address System.
I am fed up with all the moaning women. Their orgasms put me off my work.
see also Dr Farquar-Smith on: