You called me Daz! How racist! Ok, I have a ‘bluey white’ tinge for that daz freshness but that’s because I’m an albino, and it's cold on Fireworks night. Casper Breath
Dr F: Thank God for that. I thought your mother was a Smurf.
You racist, again! I heard you say “Golly” when fireworks exploded in a beautiful festoon skywards. An outdated mild oath related to a small afro Caribbean figure in a tuxedo that if you collect 12, you sent them off to Robertson’s Jam Co and they sent you a real badge of ‘Golly’. Not paper, but made of painted tin! Whoopee! I just loved going to school with a very shiny little black dude stuck to my chest as a prize! All from scissor marks found on the back of a marmalade jar in the sixties. Catherine Wheel
Dr F: Stickers on jars with ethnic effigies is labelling. I’m not racist. To prove it, I have one of Bob Marley’s records. I’m not sure if I agree with his band endangering threatened species though. Whalers should be banned.
I’m a traveller and it's people like you that evicted me off Dale farm who cause enough of their own fireworks, because you oppress minorities like us! I ought to hex you. In fact I will. One day you will wake up to find yourself dead from a terrible disease you caught from a giant moth, that will fly up your nose and lay eggs in your brain, that will hatch millions of half worm, half cockroaches and half spunk,, that will jump down your throat and eat their way through your scabby writhing body with each grotesque creature doubling in size and unbroken ribbons of sizzling spunk coming out of their eyes, then straight out your dimpled spotty doctors lardy dah arse! Liza Lott
Dr F: Don’t be rash. Put the lurcher down and come in and have a hedgehog in clay, like a good gypsy. Those clothes pegs look nice. Are they the same price in Poundland? Now look into my eyes. You are feeling very sleepy. You will do anything I ask. Come here and put your little head in my lap. Let’s pretend to siphon diesel. Here is one end of the hose.
You called me intellectually challenged! In other words, that means , I’m really, really ‘thick’. Thick as a feckin’ a lump of thicky, thick, thick, shit. There. I’ve said it. Alf Sharp
Dr F: You are so stupid you believed I would help you ‘really go places’ by sticking a first class stamp on your forehead.
I’m disfigured after you used a blender to make a mud mask for my face. Why didn’t you turn it off while I was wearing it? Wanda Why
Dr F: Your nose is severed. Your mouth required 89 stitches and your chin hangs in ribbons. Your forehead is shredded. Both ears are pureed and you have been totally scalped. But your complexion has definitely improved and I only used half a bag of cat litter.
I from Lithuania. I wash your car. Why you piss off without paying? Kes Meass
Dr F: I wanted to make a clean getaway.
I’m the canteen cook making the pastries for fire-works night. What's the best thing to put in a tart? Rolan Pinn
Dr F: Well, I hate to state the obvious, but it’s my nob! I’ll wait until they cool down first.
Doctor, I swallowed a doorknob and now I can feel my stomach turning. Honour Latch
Dr F: Once again I hate to state the obvious. But that goes without saying.
I am migrating Canadian goose. Don’t play with fireworks while I fly over your house. Last year you shot down my brother with a Roman candle. We were nowhere near Italy at the time, as it’s completely in the wrong direction and miles out of our usual path. It’s all automatic pilot for us. No turning back now, you know. We have no say in the dictates of our inbred animal instinct. How unfair! Ken & Adrian Dry
Dr F: It’s warmer where you are going. About mark 7 for 3 hours on Xmas eve.
I’ve just seen a pelican crossing. He’s nowhere near Italy either. In fact he’s off to North Africa towards the Danube Delta. Does this help? Dick Edd
Dr F: Take this sack of rocks once a day with water. It’s called drowning.
I am a cow. My wife and I are a bit frightened on Guy Fawkes night. Spare a thought for us in our shed while you scare the living shit out of my family. My wife and her sister are beside themselves, all night long, mainly because the shed is way too small. .. I’m not trying to milk it, either. Terry Fide
Dr F: Your wife is very attractive. But I saw her first! She has great teats. I want to serenade her, right here, right now.” Because..
“if I fall in love, it will be for heifer.”