week - More death
do they advertise guarantees on caskets? Who is going to unearth it
just to check for defects? (Contributed by The
Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Exhuming coffins for DNA evidence to do with
foul play may depend on how well preserved the corpse is. A coffin
‘guarantee’ is worth its weight in mould.
If you don't die from it, is it healthy? (Contributed
by Don F.)
Dr F. Yes, unless you have been murdered.
If there's Life after Death are we going to die or have we died
already? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. Good question. Remember, eternal life is for
Why is it that everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants
to die? (Contributed by Harry Hewlett)
Dr F. Lots of people want to be famous but that doesn’t
stop them committing suicide.
Is it possible that we are dead now and this is supposed to be
the better ‘after life’?
(Contributed by Madelynn)
Dr F. If you can’t tell the difference why
not enter the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ for motionlessness.
Why do we call dead people 'late'? It isn't their fault that they
aren't there on time. They're dead, aren't they? (Contributed
Dr F. Dead people will never turn up. Apart from
their toes, that is.
When people burst into flames by spontaneous combustion, do they die
from being fried or from lack of oxygen? (Contributed
Dr F. It’s just something that happens in the
heat of the moment.
Why do people say they are working themselves into an early grave?
Is there such a thing as a late grave? Who has ever been in a late
grave? (Contributed by Lacey)
Dr F. Some people will always be late for their own
Is it true that your fingernails keep growing after you're dead?
If so, exactly how long do they grow? If you dig someone up 50 years
later, will you find a box full of
fingernails? (Contributed by Miz Bin)
Dr F. It’s hard to put a finger on it.
When nudists die, do they get buried in clothes? (Contributed
by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. It is common practise to commit suicide in
the nude to save shitting in a perfectly good pair of trousers.
Why do people want to achieve immortality through their work?
Wouldn't it be better to achieve it through not dying? (Contributed
by The Duke of Endor)
Dr F. Many artists die without any recognition whatsoever.
Especially, if they were badly beaten up first.
Is an ‘estate’, an internet government? (Contributed
by The Duke of Endor)
Dr F. No, it’s usually a Volvo.
Wasn't the moment you were born, the same moment that you started
(Contributed by JEB)
Dr F. This is the principle of entropy. The fact
that all around us is dying. How can life
spring from death? Just look at Ozzy Osbourne.
Why do they play bagpipes at police funerals? (Contributed
Dr F. Because, breathalysers don’t make any
Shouldn't everybody's goal in life be to die young, but at a very
old age? (Contributed by Erica)
Dr F. You are ‘only as young as you feel’.
So die, when your arse looks like
a bulldogs neck.
Before the word 'die' was invented, what did people say when someone
went to Heaven? (Contributed by Valerie)
Dr F. People cannot bring themselves to say ‘die’,
in fact, some people never say ‘die’.
How can you ‘turn in your grave’, especially if you
were cremated? (Contributed by Janis G.)
Dr F. People ‘turn in their grave’ because
of the bad things living people do. Or they are just bored with the
If you're scared to death, will it say that on the Death Certificate?
(Contributed by Jim Adams)
Dr F. Not if your shoes are killing you.
also Dr Farquar - Smith on: