This week - American Football
I love American football. It's just a bunch of blokes dressed in very dated shoulder padded ‘eighties’ accessories. You don’t see The All Blacks looking like Cilla Black in a scooter helmet, do you? Ben Tazabanana
Surely, The Miami Dolphins are the greatest. They are not worried about how stupid they look in colourful riotgear. R.Sole
Dr F: The Dolphins are famous for one thing. Trying to communicate with a series of clicking noises while wearing an illfitting gum shield and getting caught in fishnets when they clearly don’t suit them.
I’m a drunken quarterback. Last night I spent all night in the bar waiting for somebody to kick off. Red Marights
Dr F: Thats nothing. I started to play American football in bed last night. First I farted and said to my wife “Touchdown, I’m up 7 nothing.”
Mrs Smith let one go and said “Touchdown . Tie score”
I tried to quack louder but broke the defence on the 9yrds line and followed through into my jim-jams.
Mrs Smith said “What in the world was that?”
I said “Half time..Switch sides.”
How do I stop my craving to be an all-star player for the New York Giants? I’m a gay dwarf and refuse to beat up women. Dick Dragon
Dr F: Follow your dream. Start off and be a mascot. Let the players use you in the changing rooms as a loofer and then learn to deliver pizzas while studying to learn the Miranda rights.
Why do cheerleaders always smile even if their team is losing? Mick O’Lob
Dr F: Because they get to cheer the ‘touchdowns’ on the field and also still get ‘feeled’ with the ‘touch-ups’ in the changing room. The trouble starts when the coach catches you with a ball in one hand and has to caution you for ‘offensive touching’ and with ‘just one knee on the ground’ when you have a ‘tight-end.’
see also Dr Farquar-Smith on: