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September 2003 Archive

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RUNNY EGGRITTE SNATCHED (published 1 September 2003)
Is this Surreal life?

Runny Eggritte

Art thieves have made off with another classic painting, this time the renowned 'Where's My Soldiers?' by famed Belgian surrealist artist Runny Eggritte.

When asked what they were doing about the theft, the Egg Marketing Slogan Aware Polis replied, "We're going to work on it."

EH UP TEAM (published 1 September 2003)
When t'plan comes together like

A new series of Ecky Thumptastic action series, the Eh Up Team is to be recorded in Yorkshire. Whippets and black puddings are said to be involved.

PHILOSOPHY INSPECTORS (published 8 September 2003)
HMI Think therefore...

Bear poop

The government has announced the creation of Her Majesty's Inspectors of Philosophical Quandries in order to finally solve the questions which have puzzled mankind since time was first invented.

Our picture shows a top govern mental gas reader checking for bear poop emissions in the woods. Shortly after this photograph was taken the tree fell down. Unfortunately no sound recording equipment had been fitted in the forest to verify the noise it may or may not have made.

A top government official, Albie Backwards, declared in tones described as sonorous, "Further tree fallage will be scrupulously monitered by our team of experts in the field and wooded areas. We are also currently questioning the Pope as to his religious leanings."

An oppostion spokesman said, "This is all very well, but what the so called government seem to be overlooking is the vital research needed into the investigation of the disappearance of white dog faeces. The scandolous waste of money invested into the creation of this new department could be better spent on hospitals, schools and string measuring factories."

DANIELS UNMASKED (published 8 September 2003)
Now that's Tragic


Everyone's favourite family entertainer, Paul Daniels, this week revealed the secret behind his magical talents. Yes, he's really Yoda from Star Wars.

MUTINY ON THE BERTI (published 15 September 2003)
Diving Cheats on the High Seas

Following Christian Dailly's marvellous Anglo-Saxon outburst after the Scotland Germany game this week, Hollywood producers have quickly recast a remake of the classic tale of mutiny at sea.

In this exclusive preview, we see the famous rebuke scene from the movie:


BIN LADEN ENQUIRIES (published 15 September 2003)
He's Got Your Number

Fresh Al Quida marketing techniques have seen Osama Bin Laden sprinting around the globe sporting the new 911 reminder shirts.

MENTAL MACCA (published 22 September 2003)
Sir Paul's Appalling

Concern is growing over the mental health of Sir Paul McCartney following his radical remix of the Beatles classic album Let it Be.

Pee McCartney

Sir Paul, pictured above when he was simply P. McCartney, is understood to be going completely doolally.

Loaded Paul

Initial signs of his decline were plain to see during his Beatly years, but recent evidence suggests his condition is deteriorating rapidly.

Ooh Matron

Following a spell of impersonating Kenneth Williams, his public appearances have become increasingly embarrasing for his new wife:

Ooo er

As well as hurling abuse at starving magicians and remixing Let it Be, Sir Paul is also said to be behind the recent reduction of the White Album to 50 seconds, which can be heard here:

The White Album in 50 seconds.

MARVELLOUS MARLON (published 22 September 2003)
Brando Bags It

Marlon Brando has walked away with the award for best mumbler at this year's glittering Gangster Awards.

PREHISTORIC ROCK (published 29 September 2003)
Gathering Plenty Moss

Stones shirt

Evidence of the never ending longevity of the oldest group in captivity continues to emerge following the discovery of this early tour shirt.

NINJA LABOUR (published 29 September 2003)

In a bid to boost his flagging popularity, Tony Blur outlined his new ninja strategy at this week's Flip Out Labour Conference.

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