BORIS BACK IN BROOM CUPBOARD (published 3 November 2003)
BBC Back Becker

Former tennis champ, Boris Becker has capitalised on his infamous fumblings in a broom cupboard by landing a job as a children's presenter on BBC.

Said Boris yesterday, 'Ja volt, iz goot ya? Hande Hoch, Achtung.' (according to our Commando comics reading German translator).

XYLOPHONIC ALIEN (published 3 November 2003)
Play that funky music pink boy

Controversy in the movie world this week as the director's cut of Alien reveals previously unseen footage of the pesky little tyke playing the xylophone in a homage to spaceman Patrick Moore.

CHARLES: 'I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT BUTLER.' (published 10 November 2003)

Charles and Butler in happier times

Prince Charles has strenuously denied rumours that he had an affair with Butler from seventies sitcom On The Buses.

The future king and funny letter writer (click here for the Charles Letterman series) claimed yesterday that it was all just nasty gossip and that he was going to tell his mum on everyone.

Blakey from On the Buses, meanwhile, commented yesterday, whilst shaking his fist and grimacing, "I'll get you Butler."

MI5 CANNIBALS EXPOSED (published 10 November 2003)
The Secret's Out

Extraordinary espionage exposés are revealed this week with the publication of a big book about undercover agents craving for human flesh which, allegedly, "tastes like chicken."

CHARLES 3 NOT TO BE (published 17 November 2003)
Chuck Out

The BBC have announced they are dropping their forthcoming blockbuster Charles III after further revelations continue to cast doubt on the heir to the throne ever getting his grubby paws on the crown.

JOLLY JOYCE JAPERY (published 17 November 2003)
It's a long way to Literary

A rare work by literary giant James Joyce has been loosed upon the world. Critics say it is a book. With lots of words in it.

CAT CHER IN THE RYE (published 24 November 2003)
A pun too far?

The designer of the latest sleeve for for one of the greatest novels of modern literature has been taken to task for being overly literal and ridiculous in his interpretation of J.D. Salinger's seminal work.

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