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June 2003 Archive

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WOGAN'S WIG KIDNAPPED (published 8 June 2003)
Catnapper comes clean

Terry Wogan's wig has been dramatically snatched from beneath during a promotion for his latest venture - Wogan Wheels.

Police have issued a picture of the likely villain after receiving the kidnap note below:

NEAR MISS (published 8 June 2003)
Hot and cold confronts

High drama in the night skies this week as the Snowman and Johnny the Flaming Torch from the Fantastic Four narrowly avoid a head on collision.

DOG EATS NEWS (published 15 June 2003)
Nothing to report

'How does he smile?' cries a nation.

HAMBLE HORROR (published 15 June 2003)

Hamble, the doll from old children's favourite, Play School, has been rebranded in order to compete in the market for Silence of the Lambs merchandise.

DRACULA IN SCOTLAND (published 22 June 2003)
Dazed and Confused


Count Dracula has been found undead and well and working in an Italian restaurant in Bearsden.

Fellow employees and customers say the aging bloodsucker has become somewhat confused and seems unphased by the large presence of garlic in the establishment.

It appears the former Transylvanian terror is now living in fear of an ancient Scottish language. Shona Ankle, an Avon lady, told the Reckless:

'When I went round his cave, he was cowering from the TV set, so I had to explain to him, "No, no," I says, "it's gaelic."

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPAIN (published 22 June 2003)
Tacky Horror Show

A brand new cinema release this week promises horror on a scale never seen since the invention of scales which measure horrorness.

"TOO ORANGEY" - TWO CRAWS (published 29 June 2003)
Not cheep as chips

Two craws sitting on a scarecrow announced this week that the new David Dickinson model was "Too orangey for crows."

A farmer commented, "Get orf my land."

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