Pistov's captive audience in Wilkie's sat enthralled
as the man reeled out one tale after another.
of course, that time there was when the MTV came to
Leith. We all Hibs players had the tickets for free.
A few of us went along to mangle backstage and mix
up the stars. I am not really knowing about too much
pop, but there were some glamorous ladies floating
around being noticed very heavily.'
asked if he'd met Kylie.
the small one? Wide mouth, silly eyes and talk all
She didn't seem interested in the sex though.'
gaped and leaned closer. 'You didnae ask Kylie Monogue
fur a shag did ye?'
course,' said Guy. 'It's what I do with ladies.'
the bar, Fat Boab nodded. 'It's true,' he said. 'I've
witnessed Guy's technique many a time. You get that
many boys in here acting all charm and patter round
the women, it fair makes ye boke. But then Guy goes
up to them and says, "You like sex?" and that's it.
His line, I mean. His only line. Sometimes it even
and Jock roared while Guy looked a little puzzled.
'It's not so funny,' he said. 'I can't use all your
words too properly, so I don't always use too many
in case I get lost in them. You see?'
Jock and Fat Boab nodded.
who else did ye manage to impress at the MTV then?'
you won't be in belief when I tell you that Beyoncé
agreed to marry me. But she did. True.'
'You mean,' said Eddie, pausing deliberately to add,
'Beyoncé was your fiancée?'
yes,' said Guy. 'We fall straight away in love and
I feel a bit, er, how you say, taken over?'
That's it. I was overhard and forgot my "You like
sex?" line and strangely asked her to marry me. She
when's the big day?' asked Fat Boab.
this is it. Or, it isn't it. She isn't returning my
calls. I think I must forget her. It is for the best.'
others laughed while Guy again looked puzzled.
you've more stories than the Empire State Building,'
think I make all this up, don't you?' said Guy looking
slightly annoyed. 'Right. I tell you what. I call
her up now and you can listen to her answer machine.'
fished out his mobile phone, tapped furiously on the
keypad, then held out the phone for the others to
listen. They all crouched over. And waited.
nothing happening,' said Jock.
a few clicks and whirrs were heard and a voice broke
in: 'Hi, you have reached Hotdogging, where the action
is fast, furious and fun. Leave your number and we'll
get back to you with details of tonight's hot happenings.'
recited some numbers and returned the phone triumphantly
to his pocket.
that wisnae Beyoncé,' said Jock.
ha ha ha. I know,' said Guy. 'Now, you say you want
to get in on the dogging thing yes? Well, come on,
Week: Hibee or not Hibee