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NEWS published 12.02am

2004 PUT ON HOLD
We're not ready yet - haud the bus!

Having only just recovered from the monumental era shattering millennium thang, punters scared there may be another momentous time shift looming are becoming calendarically fatigued it seems.

In order to counteract the public's increasing ennui vis a vis the je ne sais quois (enough with the froggie allusions already - Ed) the government (you remember them) has decided to do something.

This is it, right - don't laugh - they're going to postpone 2004. Well, what's wrong with that like? You got a problem with that? This government kens what it's doing all right? Step outside if you don't agree, big man, alright?

We here at the Reckless are heartily sick of people bad-mouthing this wunnerful government of ours, so bugger off you whinging, whining numpties. Come on then, eh, eh , eh?

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ALSO IN THIS SECTION
 
ATTEMPT TO BAN MISERABLE PEOPLE

2004 PUT ON HOLD

BAD MAN HITS LOLLIPOP LADY

THE END IS NIGH

BIG SCARY CRIME FIGURES

WORKERS REVOLUTION IN THE OFFING

MUMBELESE DECLARED OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF TEENAGERS

CUTE ANIMAL STORY

EAT FOOD

PEOPLE POOR SHOCK

FOOTBALLER SPITS

THE NIGHTS ARE FAIR DRAWIN' IN

DRUG BARONS' NOBILITY QUESTIONED

MISSING LINK FOUND

IT'S ALL GOD'S FAULT

PIGEONS ON DOPE

TOLERANCE ABOLISHED

MURDER INCIDENTS INCREASING

TABLOID HEADLINES PREY ON GULLIBLE

NOW THAT WE'VE FOUND LOVE

PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES

POKEMON DRIVE BY SHOOTING

SEX

DRUGS

VIOLENCE

HEADLINES WANTED

SATIRICAL NEWS STORIES BEGIN TO LOSE BITE

AW, WHO BLOODY CARES?

NOBODY'S READING THIS STUFF ANYWAY

I HATE YOU ALL

IT'S ALL SO BLEEDIN' POINTLESS

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND

GIRAFFES KICK ASS

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